


Satisfied

by AndiMackmeetsHamilton



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Jealousy, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 17:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18473644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndiMackmeetsHamilton/pseuds/AndiMackmeetsHamilton
Summary: Short angsty one shot. Angelica may have sung about not being Satisfied, but she wasn't the only jealous one on that wedding night, or during the rest of Alexander's wedding.I remember that night, I just might rewind....It wasn't John's fault Alexander had kissed him that night.To love so passionately, but to never be able to show it to the people in your life and declare it to the world was the most heart breaking thing Laurens could think of.I know, Laurens thought as he closed his eyes one last time, he will never be satisfied, I will never be satisfied....





	Satisfied

**Author's Note:**

> Not brilliant and quite rushed but enjoy! Don't forget to comment!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9...John Laurens aimed his pistol, terrified, and the world temporarily became a frantic blur of memories. 

Rewind....helpless, Laurens had been helpless around Hamilton...Schuyler sisters...John remembered meeting them and feeling like he'd lost Alexander forever. 

Rewind....

" A toast to the groom!" Angelica declared, raising her glass of red wine up to the sky. The whole room echoed her words. You had to admit, Angelica Schuyler had a way with people, always able to charm them.

Rumour had it, she'd charmed Alexander himself at some point and he'd become enamoured with her. Eliza had, of course, blithely ignored these rumours, but she certainly did look concerned whenever Angelica was left alone in close proximity with him. 

Little did Eliza know, it wasn't Angelica she was to be concerned about Hamilton having an affair with. Or not just her, at least. 

I remember that night, I just might rewind...

It was two nights Laurens keenly remembered, actually. One before the wedding, and one on the night itself.

I remember that night, I just might regret that night for the rest of my days...

That was Alexander's wedding night, sitting there and suffering in silence as he watched the love of his life marry someone else.

It tore his heart in two. Love had a tendency to do that.

They'd been so close, when they were fighting together. In private, it wasn't just fighting they were doing. But their relationship had to be discreet; it was illegal, after all. And now he swore his allegiance to a rich, sweet woman. Why? Why did the universe hate him so much?

Alexander, I'll never forget the first time I saw your face.

Laurens and his friends, Marquis de Lafayette and Hercules Mulligan had been drunkenly showing off in anticipation of a revolution. They'd all been embarassing themselves, yelling loudly and standing on tables. He'd come up with the idea himself, actually. 

" YO YO YO YO YO! WHAT TIME IS IT?" 

"SHOW TIME!" His friends had replied.

"Show time, show time, yo! I'm John Laurens in the place to be, two pints of Sam Adams but I'm working on three!" 

He'd continued, only vaguely recalling something about redcoats and freedom. Lafayette was next, showing off loudly too, then Mulligan got on the table. Big mistake. He started showing off about sex and John had to stop him, to ask him to pour another drink.

He had noticed Burr and excitedly willed him to participate. When be refused, Laurens had challenged him. 

"The revolution's imminent, Burr, what do you stall for?" 

A stranger's voice backed him up. In hindsight, Laurens believed it to be foreshadowing- you always heard Alexander before you saw him. 

"If you stand for nothing, Burr, what do you fall for?" 

Laurens and his friends had acted suspiciously towards him, asking who he was. 

"Who are you? Who are you? Who are you?" They'd asked defensively. "Who, who is this kid, what's he gonna do?" 

Apparently, a whole lot. 

I have never been the same, intelligent eyes and a hunger panged frame.

John couldn't help but notice how attractive this young man was. His eyes glittered like they held a treasure to another world. They lit up in passion, and dimmed in disappointment. As for the rest of him...Alexander was a strong, muscular man with fabulous, shiny hair and a stunning face. 

The moment John knew Alexander was special, however, was when he started passionately talking about the revolution and his ambition. Alexander lit up the room he was in with his endless charisma and confidence. Hamilton turned a spark into a flame.

"Laurens, I like you a lot." 

That comment had made him blush. Alexander complimented him a lot, especially when they were dating, whether that was in their letters or stargazing or confiding in each other at night.

But, like all flames, their relationship was inevitably extinguished.

John realised they were soulmates when he discovered that Alexander supported John in his endeavours to end slavery. 

"Raise a glass to freedom...tomorrow there'll be more of us, telling the story of tonight."

When Laurens had been saying these things, he had noticed something. Alexander was looking at him a certain way, almost like he had hung the gleaming stars in the endless void of dark sky that night. 

It just so happened that Mulligan and Lafayette had found an excuse to leave them alone that night, when they were stargazing. It was almost as if they knew. Almost. 

Almost magnetically, or perhaps driven by some force of nature, their hands drew closer and closer together.

"The stars look beautiful tonight." Alexander commented. 

John smiled. 

"Not as beautiful as you." 

Alexander's eyes widened in shock and John clapped a hand over his mouth, the realisation of what he'd just said sobering him up. 

When John thought of Alexander, speechless wasn't exactly a word that sprang to mind. But that's exactly what he was at that particular moment, so John counted it as an achievement.

He realised suddenly that perhaps that wasn't the best thing to say. 

"Alexander, I-" 

Alexander leaned over and kissed Laurens, leaving him breathless.

"Let's not tell anybody, OK?"

Laurens nodded, willing to do anything for Alexander Hamilton. He grabbed his hands, smiling softly, and leaned in to kiss Alexander again. 

Little did they know, this was just the beginning.

Their relationship only progressed from there over the next six months...until the winter's ball one fateful night where Hamilton met Elizabeth Schuyler. They'd broken things off nearly a year ago, but it had been tough without him. 

That led back to the wedding. The best man falling for the groom? That was practically unheard of. Still, Alexander was the man who had kissed John, on his own wedding night. It wasn't John's fault Alexander had kissed him that night. And now...

Alexander seemed to consume his final thoughts. Would he be proud of him with what he achieved with the black battalion? Or did Laurens not do enough for the slaves? He would never set them free. 

Tomorrow, there'll be more of us.... he hoped the next generation could help abolish slavery, the way he never had.

This only added fuel to the fire.

To love so passionately but to never be able to show it in your life and declare it to the world must have been the most heart breaking thing Laurens could think of. 

He thought back to Eliza and Alexander bitterly. They had a son, called Phillip, he had discovered recently. John was sure this child and his relationship we're satisfying him. Or were they? And would their little secret, the letters, looks and kisses they exchanged, be revealed? Or would the burden of it weight down their souls and subject them to sin and cast them away to hell? 

I know, Laurens thought as he closed his eyes one last time, he will never be satisfied, I will never be satisfied...


End file.
